bpo-35903: Use autoconfig to probe for shm_open() and shm_unlink(). (#11765)

Use autoconfig to probe for shm_open() and shm_unlink().  Set SHM_NEEDS_LIBRT if we must
link with librt to get the shm_* functions.  Change setup.py to use the autoconfig defines.  These
changes should make it more likely that _multiprocessing/posixshmem.c gets built correctly on
different platforms.